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I have been friends for over two decades, who has overcome numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been often caught off guard by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. Many of her friends drifted away at that point, because they seemed drawn to her husband. She was stunned by her. She made increased attention to be my friend, probably grasped better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends vanished and she isn't knowing the cause. Her last employer turned on her, although she had been highly competent, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, however, I feel my role between us is as the audience. I start discussion points only for her to redirect the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She's been planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in for a while. My intention was to share insights, but this was unappreciated. She purely only wanted validation of her choices. I have returned from 30 days in that country she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to be a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she will ever grasp the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, my state is distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer that we desire. However, addressing it with the goal of a solution takes courage and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially requires explaining the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible like exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell how this makes you feel. There should be no dispute about this. What you feel are your feelings, of course. Step three is to ask how the two of you going to change the dynamics between you."

Remember she too has a point of view, so you need to stay open to listen to her. One effective method involves stating her:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

It's wildly impactful for promoting better communication.

Final Thoughts

She might reject all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a story of their life they won't abandon as it feels essential relies on it and it's all they've known. It's tough when there seems no easy route with these people, mere obstacles. But she may at first react defensively then consider on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, it provides peace that you've been open and direct.